Email Diary

June 2, 2000 - What an Interesting Month!

Finished my fourth chemo treatment and the last one with adriamycin and cytoxan. On June 12th I have my first of four with Taxol. I'm scheduled to finish up on August 14th.

We went to Atlanta to see for Roy's daughter's wedding. What a wonderful time. She's grown into such a lovely young woman and we love her new husband, too. Roy's son was the best man - hard to believe that they both are adults now! My mother came, too, and we enjoyed the entire weekend. There was lots of "down" time, so I got plenty of rest. The worst part of the weekend was having to wear my wig!!

Right after my last treatment, we went to our "North" house in York PA, where we attended our neighbor's daughter's wedding. It, too, was very lovely. Roy and I decided after the two weekends that perhaps we could be permanent wedding guests - it was the second weekend in a row where we'd been at a wedding and not known most of the people there!

This has been an interesting month, though, not so much because of the travel, but because of the "ah-has" I've been having. I've determined that the most frustrating part of this whole ordeal is not the surgeries or the treatments, but the waiting and patience required. I'm usually so active - having "nap attacks" in the middle of the day or having to come home early from events is not my idea of fun.

I was planning on participating in a seminar in June, but thinking about it made me realize that I'm not ready yet for ten hour days wearing a wig and "dress-up" clothes. Several of my close friends are attending the Christian Booksellers Association convention in New Orleans in July - we were going to go out early and "do" the French Quarter and then "work" the convention floor. Thinking about the "doing" and the "working" made me realize I just don't have that kind of energy yet. That's frustrating!

The net-net is that I've come to realize that this time of treatment and recovery must be a time of conserving energy, of patience and of waiting. My business and high energy events will have to wait. I need to plan and rest up for those things that are important to me, but I also need to mostly take care of Deb. I'm not used to that either - I'm more used to taking care of others.

So thanks for letting me voice my frustrations - pray for patience for me and continued "easy" treatments. I treasure all of you so much - you've been so faithful!

Hugs!

Deb